Middlebury — I’ve lived around school zones most of my life. I have seen school zones turn from quiet places at 10 a.m. to figurative combat zones at 8 a.m. and again at 2:30-3 p.m.—the dreaded parent/kiddie witching hours.
Don’t get me wrong. I love schools. I love teachers. I even love the cherry cheeks of America’s texting youth. But it is with some parent drivers that I have a bone to pick.
As a long-time resident of Pennsylvania, I not only grew up one block removed from a suburban public middle school, but years later—in the same city—I rented my first apartment across the street from a public high school.
Then, just a few years later, I became a temporary resident of Arizona only to find myself selecting one of the few affordable apartments in the greater Phoenix metro area near yet another suburban public school zone.
For many years, it was just my luck, or lack thereof, to find low-rent hovels right smack, dab in the middle of America’s automotive test tracks—I mean—school zones.
Thus, having lived near these various institutions of learning and extracurricular activities over the years, I must caution those of you who have no school business to stay clear during certain daylight hours.
I have been an eyewitness to displays of some of the worst automobile driving practices—at least outside of downtown Bombay—around schools.
From my personal experience, the worst drivers aren’t high school teens in their roaring jalopies. I am sorry to report that the worst drivers, on any typical school day in America, are some adults, parents—Mr. and Mrs. Soccer Mom.
I often imagine momma bear or poppa bear behind the wheel of a hurtling piece of machinery approaching one of our school zones. She (or he), having just emerged from a sleepy den, is tasked with protecting a precious cargo of fuzzy cubs from an army of Sigourney Weaver’s goo-slobbering Aliens—but the aliens, as seen through the glazed eyes of momma or poppa, are in the guise of innocent pedestrians and drivers who just happen to be passing through a school zone at the wrong time—at drop-off and pick-up times.
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